That bitch called Life!

My life officially sucks, at the moment. I am sad. A bit too sad.I was let down by someone very close to me. Things are not fine,even at the work front.And, I realized that someone was lying to me big time.Nothing cheers me up. It is just one gloomy day after another.I live alone.(literally, as the girl I share the flat with, works in an odd timing shift,and we hardly see each other during the week.During the weekends, she doesn’t come home)


Suddenly, all the friends seem to have vanished.Everyone is busy getting married or having kids or relocating down south.There were times when I used to think that coming back to Delhi would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. But, sad to say, that I was wrong.Really wrong.I have a big problem, with everything and everyone around me. I don’t usually talk nicely to people now a days. I am cranky all the time. Just like a volcano waiting to erupt.Filled up to the brim and waiting to let lose.

My landlord is a middle aged man who wants me to come to his place and give him the rent in cash every month, as if I have nothing better to do.Whatever happened to the online banking facility.I am paying a huge rent, for this just okay,kind of apartment.The neighbors are a pain in the ass. I want to hunt another apartment, but have no time for that.Plus, a lonely girl, roaming around with property dealers is not such a good idea in NCR.

Forget about the nights, my days are turning dark.Shopping provides no solace.It is just the visa bills that are getting bigger. Bigger, is not better.Chocolates are a temporary remedy.Friends – they come and go.There is just one thing that still makes me feel better – Sleep. The only remedy.But as soon as I wake up from one of the dreams, reality bites me hard in the face.As Calvin says, Reality continues to ruin my life.

With all that, and much more pain inside me, I have to attend two weddings, of people closest to me, and put a brave front by smiling all through.Sometimes, my own sadness overshadows the fact that I am really happy for other people.And then guilt takes over.I haven’t even started shopping for the weddings, like my old self.I just don’t feel like it.
I am still trying to adjust in a (relatively) small company environment although it has been half a year I since I joined.Everyday, the itch to switch, is getting worse.But again, I just don’t have enough time or energy to do something about it.In a place as unsafe as Noida, I return home after 9 p.m., every single day and that too,to an empty apartment which haunts me like anything.I am working 12 hours a day,with a bossy and demanding client, in a crappy project that wouldn’t end for another 8 months.
P.S.
In case you are thinking of calling me after reading this,DON’T MAKE THAT CALL.JUST DON’T.Sympathies, or Pravachans, are not welcome anymore.Comments are okay, as they might make me feel better.

40 Comments

  1. I wont call you. But do you remember those slaps I gave; I hoped they'd knock some sense in your head πŸ˜›

    Hang in there; hold on to whatever you can get your hands on. Don't worry you are not alone in this.

  2. As the comment above says "You are not alone in this"

    i can safely say that i can copy paste 90% of your blog and it will look like the current state of my mind and life as of now..

    except for those two weddings part, every single thing is same..

  3. Welcome to the real world. I guess I had a little idea of that this kind of a post was coming soon. Your decision to move back might not have been the perfect kind of a decision, but whatever it was it was a priority for you at that time. Be happy for you were to do that and now move on. No regrets!!!

    Maybe you made a mistake. I know you really know what I mean. But as someone said "No one can go back and start and make a brand new start, but you can start from now and make a brand new end." So go for it, do whatever is a priority for you now. Forget the past and don't evaluate your decisions you made in the past. You will never be able to justify those.

    I know you can be braver that this. So another one to support – "Hang in there".

  4. Dont worry gal…. just hang in there, and everything will fall in place. Its a matter of time.
    I too crossed the same phase, and trust me you are not alone, as we are almost living in same city, feel free to call or mail, might be I can of help.

  5. things happen in life akki, there are good time and bad time, the only way to look towards this is from a positive side, i know things hurt, dont thing as some lecture because i have implied this in my life and have found it it to be really helpful, dont keep expectations, i know there cant be a person with no expectations but just be a person with less. it'll really help u..

    the more u expect the more it'll hut, so just do what u wanna do, and i hope you find a person who'll always keep u happy that time will come, just keep faith that it'll happen and it wil… dont feel bad abt things which are beyond your control, try for jobs in websites and stuff, ther is bound to come something… it'll help u out, hope everything turns for the better :)…

    take care and keep writing………

  6. @Abhishek
    Well, glad that you are 10% better off that me:)
    It'll all be fine once you come back to Delhi! πŸ™‚ For me, it is seems an endless journey.

    The marriage think sucks big time, for me, coz , u know, leave it.:(

  7. SF-1
    Thank you so much for those kinds words dear. I know it was a mistake…I left a perfect job and a perfect city to come back to what I believed would be better. But, all said and done, it is not a city that is a problem , but Life is.

  8. @The generalist

    Thanks for dropping by and reading. To answer your qn, I am a bit too career oriented to take that decision and quit. I just can't. It is not in my blood.have to hang in there, come what may!

  9. I understand what you might be going through and I, in no way want to belittle your problems. But here is a story: a woman gets fired, have three of her best friends (who she knew for 4 years) did not stand up for her (in fact stand against her) when she really needs them, gets dumped twice and can barely afford her current apartment.

    You see, things can be far more worse. It is hard. It is a struggle everyday. But you have to keep yourself together, because the best is yet to come, right? :-).

    I am sure you will do just fine πŸ™‚

  10. Bad times are meant to be endured…find some good st of friends or people to hang out with.. Life is easier when shared…even I'd it is with a random stranger…

  11. I just wrote this long long comment. I wonder if you got it. I am going through the same feeling though it did get better when I least expected it. I remember sitting at home all alone on a Sunday a couple of weeks back feeling miserable about everything right from my personal life to my job. Someone close to me let me down too. I felt used and rejected and work seemed unbearable. I remember crying that whole of Sunday cos for days I had been waiting for that pathetic feeling to go but to no avail. But you know what it will go away that down in the dumps feeling and I want you to believe that too. I know how loneliness gets to each one of us but you will find a way out of this. Please hang in there. I have your number and I do wanna call you but alas I won't cos I guess you just wanna be on your own.

  12. i dnt knw who u r.. but one thing i shuld gt straight….
    cut the crap.. n gt on with ur life… comon.. delhi, noida, soo many places to go n njoyy… drive out.. who cares.. wht happens next.. let the rythm drive u.

    peace out..!! πŸ™‚

  13. hey i can think of a better title for ur post – "" yeh Saali Zindagi " he he
    Cheer up girl.. its a good movie.. go watch it.. And this day will pass too.. so please smile..

    Cheers,
    Divya

  14. Oops! No comments from my side..
    coz I can write a freaking 5 page post about how i feel for life these days.. πŸ™

    Life sucks to the core.. πŸ™‚

    One example of how bad i feel these days is ::
    Once upon a time i used be Hyper-Active on FB & nowadays i am almost dead on FB.. πŸ˜›

    but seriously telling you.. i am just waiting for my turn over this fucking life..
    Once i ll come up.. I ll fuck it so hard that it wont be able to run over me next time.. πŸ˜€

    One suggestion :: Why don't you join Infosys Chandigarh Campus.. I think it might be easy for you.. You will get your Infy feeling once again.. Maybe you ll find some of your old friends working here and Chandigarh is quite safe place as well..

    Anyways.. I wish you luck with your life. πŸ™‚

    Keep Writing.. Keep Smiling.. πŸ™‚

  15. Anonymous

    Stop cribbing and get over whatever you're currently seeing in your life. It sure is sad sometimes, but the sad part is not worth carrying along. And cribbing about it would make it just worse. Just drop it already!

    And listen to the song "Bikhri Bikhri" from Whats Your Rashee! Pathetic movie but an awesome song. Apt too.

    "…gum ka ye pal guzar jaayega…dil koi geet fir gaayega…"

    Kay

  16. I am late and I don't know if my commenting matters any more..
    Ditto lives, the only difference is that I am in Gurgaon and I live alone and like it too. And I don't know what to say beacuse I kinda feel the same and saying stupid stuff is just stupid.
    Just hope things are already better or get better soon. Take care.

  17. On reading it I felt as if u had written my story though its yours. Yea, life sucks.
    Anyways, just hang on. I am sure better days are just round the corner πŸ™‚

  18. Hey cranky girl, hope you are fine now! How can you be lonely in this age of internet? Make efforts to be happy. You write so well. And you also sketch. Your hobbies will keep you sane. Much love and best wishes! Keep in touch. πŸ™‚

  19. hey i can think of a better title for ur post – "" yeh Saali Zindagi " he he
    Cheer up girl.. its a good movie.. go watch it.. And this day will pass too.. so please smile..

    Cheers,
    Divya

  20. Hey cranky girl, hope you are fine now! How can you be lonely in this age of internet? Make efforts to be happy. You write so well. And you also sketch. Your hobbies will keep you sane. Much love and best wishes! Keep in touch. πŸ™‚

  21. I hope that more happier times are around the corner… just hang in there and things will get fine soon…

    take care…

    cheers,
    Arv.

  22. SF-1
    Thank you so much for those kinds words dear. I know it was a mistake…I left a perfect job and a perfect city to come back to what I believed would be better. But, all said and done, it is not a city that is a problem , but Life is.

  23. Bad times are meant to be endured…find some good st of friends or people to hang out with.. Life is easier when shared…even I'd it is with a random stranger…

  24. As the comment above says "You are not alone in this"

    i can safely say that i can copy paste 90% of your blog and it will look like the current state of my mind and life as of now..

    except for those two weddings part, every single thing is same..

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